Unjudgemental Ear / Trying to do the right judgements!!!

What is an unjudgemental ear? Different people can have different answers to that question.

In this blog I would like to explain it in my own terms. What I feel about it and what is the necessity of it.

Unjudgemental ear: Hearing to others problems without giving our own judgments. Few questions which come to our mind when we say that are:
Is it right thing to do?
What are the advantages of it?
What could be the disadvantages of not doing it?
What is the use of then hearing to others problems if we cannot pass judgements.

I shall try to answer these questions here.

Is it the right thing to do: Depends on various factors: When we do not know what has happened we need to give ourselves sometime to think over the problem rather than reaching a conclusion. Every coin in the world has got two sides. We need to hear to both the sides of the story and then think and then decide what is wrong and what is right. There might be different perspectives to the same problem. If we ask the opinion of others then we should take care that their opinion does not influence our decision. We ask two people about our/others problem and ask their opinion and both of them say the same/similar solution. That does not mean that it is the right thing. It just means that you haven’t seen the other side of it. Because the two people you have asked might have the same thought process which is wrong (Not always). There might be some 8/10 people out there whom you haven’t asked and who has a different opinion which is the right thing. “Ekam Satyam” is the right word. Satyam is just ONE even if majority of people are present on the wrong and there is no one to support the other side. In fact in Kaliyug you would find the majority of people doing the wrong thing and justifying it. So we need to be careful in taking our decisions especially when some other person is going to get affected by that. Each one has the freedom to judge others and have their own opinions. We should not misuse the freedom. Just because we have an opinion we should not influence others to take our path. People give justifications saying “I told him the truth and he also agreed and supported me. So don’t blame me. I have given him the whole story”. It is not right for one thing that when you present your case you would do it in such a manner that the others would believe it. So you are stopping them also from knowing the truth. In this busy world people do not want to spend TIME and MONEY (Mainly this) in knowing the truth. They believe something which is convenient for them. Why should they bother about the others and try to find out the truth? That is the attitude with which people are living these days. My Guru says when people speak they like to speak about two things “Aatma Stuthi , Pira Nindhai” i.e. Praising themselves and Censuring others. So this is what most people in the world are doing right now.

One more thing I have realized is that being spiritual doesn’t mean they should be good people. And if the person is not spiritual it doesn’t mean they are bad people. I have seen a mix of both. People involved in some way to some spiritual activities: Still do not have any rules to be followed or they do “Aatma Stuthi, Pira Nindhai” or they cause problems in others life and so on. Some people who are atheists also do a lot of good service to man kind and help their fellow beings in a great manner. I’m not supporting Atheism but I’m just saying that what ever be the path we take one thing we should keep in mind is that we should be good towards our fellow beings. If we cannot do good to others, at least we should refrain from doing bad to them. Not knowing that something is bad for others and doing it is no excuse because our bad actions affect others in a bad manner whether we do it knowingly or unknowingly. So even if we cannot do any help to others we can prevent ourselves from doing bad by stop “GOSSIPING”, not hurting etc.

The other question is that if we do not pass our judgements on a problem what would we do hearing to it? A very nice question. When I said we are not supposed to pass our judgements I said about making judgements as you are hearing to the other person’s problem. If we do such a judgement at an early stage itself for example when they are sharing their problem with you itself it might turn negative. The disadvantages of such judgements are that the other person might feel Hurt because of your judgement and won’t open up. This will stop you from knowing the truth. Secondly you might have made a wrong judgement and hence hear completely and think twice before giving your opinion. There is a saying in Tamil “Theeyinal Sutta Pun Arumey Arathey Navinal Sutta Vadu!!!” Meaning: The wounds caused by fire will heal but wounds caused by words won’t. Once said words can’t be taken back. So we should be careful about the words we say to people (esp. who are in problem). They are stressed because of their problems and so the word you say might hurt them more and they might react in a negative way.

Advantages of not giving judgements: The other person will believe us and share everything with us. So we know the complete truth. If we suggest something after they are done with their talking then even they would be in a position to hear to it. That’s the advantage.

But these are things which people would do if they care for the other person. If not there is no point discussing all these :-). For people who do not care only one thing can be said. Don’t do bad to others. From such experiences we can also identify the types of people around us. It is said that when you are in trouble you would know who your real well wishers are.

Confused? Why such a post. These are just my thoughts which have been there for quite sometime seeing the people around me. I’m pretty sure there will be loads of people doing the same thing in different places. I thought that pouring my thoughts on how judgements can be done / should be done might help others too. Even if one person starts practicing this my time spent in writing this would be of much use. :-) Things said here can also be called as Active Listening which is a main part of Communication Workshops which happen in companies. It’s given so much importance because of the above said reasons and that reflects its role in effective communication.

Moral: Develop your Communication Skills.
Avoid Gossiping (Not at all difficult)
We do not know when our breathe would stop so lets try doing only good things to our fellow beings [at least not do bad]!!!

Radhe Krishna!!!